


you could've died (and i would've been full of regrets)

by smartbuckley



Series: Buddie Tumblr Prompts [20]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Apartment Fire, Assumed Character Death (Brief), Break Up, Dom/sub Play, Established Relationship, Fire Inaccuracies, Forgiveness, Getting Back Together, M/M, Making Out, Mentions of: Bobby Nash, POV Alternating, POV Eddie Diaz, POV Evan "Buck" Buckley, Post-Break Up, Post-Lawsuit (9-1-1 TV), miscommunications
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-02-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:00:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22913605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smartbuckley/pseuds/smartbuckley
Summary: Buck and Eddie are at a stalemate, post lawsuit, Buck feeling like Eddie has given up on them. When a fire gets out of control, Buck makes a choice, making Eddie realize just what he might be losing by acting the way he has been. Will they be able to open to one another, and forgive?
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Series: Buddie Tumblr Prompts [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1528010
Comments: 16
Kudos: 353
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	you could've died (and i would've been full of regrets)

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the following prompts: _Buck is back with the team but given the cold shoulder, especially by Eddie. Buck is heartbroken but takes every hurtful comment and barb. Then on a dangerous call some kind of explosion or backdraft is moments away from happening in the spot Eddie and Buck happen to be. Buck shoves Eddie into a closet out back out the door and shuts it. Eddie loses it as he and the rest of the team think Buck's deader than dead. It's complete chaos, and then Buck calmly makes his way out unharmed._ and _Buck and Eddie are together but they’re going through a rough patch, trivial things setting off appalling arguments. After one such fight the team gets a call of people trapped high up in a burning building or cliff. The rescue goes off without a hitch but when Buck is climbing up something goes terribly wrong. Eddie grabs his hand and they dangle. Buck begs Eddie to let him go and save himself, even tries to wriggle free or bite his hand. They are saved but Eddie is beside himself._.
> 
> The story strayed slightly from the prompts, but I tried to stick as close to them as possible, so I hope you guys enjoy the story. If I missed any tags, please let me know so I can fix that immediately. Also, I don't know if what happens in a fire in this fanfiction happens in real life, but let's just suspend belief, lmao.

Ever since the lawsuit, things had been different between Buck and Eddie. Buck had expected it, of course, but even after his apologies, and even after Eddie’s forgiveness, things weren’t the  _ same _ , and Buck didn’t know how to handle that. While working, everything was normal and professional between the two, but Buck would be an idiot if he didn’t see the tension on Eddie’s shoulders when they were alone, or working but not on a call. Things between them were stilted, and while Buck recognized why, it still hurt, because while he was actively trying to fix things between Eddie and himself, it was crystal clear that Eddie wasn’t putting in any effort at all.

And of course, everyone kept saying that Eddie would come around sooner or later, but they didn’t realize that Buck wasn’t worried about his best friend coming around - he was worried about his  _ boyfriend _ coming around, because that’s what they had been when Buck had gone to the lawyer. They hadn’t been boyfriends for long, of course, between the embolism and the tsunami, but they were still  _ something _ , and now -- Now it was like they were nothing.

No, it was like -- if there was something lower than nothing, they were that. 

They weren’t even a thought, Buck felt, especially when it came to Eddie. But he continued to try, because even though he made mistakes, and even though he had regrets, he loved Eddie, and he wanted to spend forever with the man, wanted to call Christopher his son, wanted --

He wanted so much for the two of them, so even if Eddie was pulling away, Buck wouldn’t let that be one of his regrets. He wouldn’t let Eddie - and Christopher, by proxy - go, without fighting for them. Just like he fought for his family, he thinks, a small frown on his face.

But it wasn’t just Eddie pulling away from him, either, Buck thinks, remembering the little petty arguments Eddie was starting when he could get away with it. Those had been occurring a lot more often lately too, and Buck -- Buck didn’t know what to do about those, if he was being honest with himself. Especially since, at one point, it seemed like Eddie was picking fights when they were in front of Christopher too, which Buck definitely couldn’t understand. And while he definitely did his best to make sure the arguing didn’t occur in front of the little man, he knew that Chris had wizened up to something occurring between his dad and Buck that couldn’t easily be fixed.

Which hurt Buck even more than he knew it should, admittedly.

Hell, Buck had even gone to Bobby and asked for help, had explained everything and other than Bobby giving him the patented look that irked Buck, though he never said anything about it since the lawsuit, the older man couldn’t think of much to say that would be helpful, since Buck had thought of it all, apparently.

Taking in a deep breath, Buck shook away the thoughts that had been running through his mind as the firetruck he was in came to a stop, signaling that they were finally at their latest call - an apartment fire - the fire going through seven floors - floors fourteen to twenty-one of a thirty-seven floor building.

Buck knew that this was going to be a risky rescue - and he knew, deep in his bones, that this rescue was going to stick with them all, since he wasn’t too sure they had enough people to rescue everyone, even with two other stations coming down to help.

“Buckley, Diaz, head to the eighth floor, look for survivors. Han, Wilson, go to the ninth. The seventh and others are covered,” Bobby shouts, and Buck nods, his heart pounding inside his chest as he grabs the gear he needs before heading towards the building, looking up at it from where it looms ominously as the flames flicker before he enters it, taking another deep breath before exhaling. 

The climb up is silent, and Buck can’t help but think of previous calls where they would both do their best to talk to one another, trying to get the other person out of their head, but there’s none of that this time around, and it just makes Buck’s heart hurt more than ever.

Eventually though, he gets to the correct floor, and taking numerous precautions, begins walking slowly ahead of Eddie, stomping gently to make sure the floor is safe while calling out for anyone out there. He can feel the heat from the flames, but Buck continues onward, focusing on trying to find anyone stuck on this floor, his voice catching for a minute when he sees a body in one of the opened doorways. Pausing for a minute, he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before continuing, not wanting to appear completely weak, as he wonders what he would do if he ever found himself in a similar situation.

“No survivors,” he whispers to himself when he finally gets to the end of the hall, closing his eyes briefly before opening them and looking in the room to the left, noticing the door is opened but empty. Stepping forward, Buck looked around the room with a frown, a bad feeling settling through him as he turned slowly, taking everything in before stepping backwards, briefly knocking into Eddie, who catches him.

“What, Buck?” Eddie asks and under any normal circumstance, Buck would be cheering over the fact that Eddie talked to him without being  _ rude _ but in this moment -- all he can focus on is the gut feeling he has that something bad is about to happen.

Shaking his head, he lets out an exhale of breath before heading towards the opposite hallway from where they stand, realizing the apartment building runs in an L shape configuration, and they still have an entire portion of the floor to search.

Briefly looking out towards the windows Buck had stopped in front of, he feels a sense of calm rush over him before he makes the decision to begin making his way down the rest of the hall. Within seconds though, Buck can feel a sudden draft of heat, and with wide eyes, he turns so he’s facing the hallway completely, no longer the windows, a wall of fire coming towards him and Eddie. It takes him nanoseconds to move - pushing Eddie towards the open door despite his protests, pushing him in and closing the door, holding onto it as the wall of flames comes barreling towards him. He has to time it to the right second, and right before that second passes, Buck takes a deep breath and throws himself through the window, making sure to grab onto the ledge as the flames begin burning everything in their path.

* * *

“BUCK” Eddie screams, pounding on the door, kicking it, sobbing as he hears the fire begin to grow, begin to explode things that were in its path. He can feel water falling down his cheeks, can see blood under his nails as he continues to pound, scratch and kick the door, not realizing that he can very well open it, since he’s on the side of the lock, but he’s lost all coherent thought at the sight of Buck pushing him into the room and closing the door in his face, a wall of flame coming towards them. He takes off his helmet, breathing in the air of the room before pounding on the door.

Eddie had no idea what to do after a few minutes of pounding on the door, falling to his knees as he sobbed, wondering when he took his gloves off his hands, and when they started bleeding in general. 

He was gone. Gone, gone, gone, and Eddie could feel himself panicking at the thought of not having Buck in his life. He couldn’t help but think about the past few weeks, how cruel he had been to his boyfriend, and Eddie – Eddie absolutely hated himself at this moment. He had been cruel, and he had been ignoring Buck, and what the hell for? Because he was angry over everything still, and he didn’t have an outlet for that anger?

Breathing, Eddie wiped his eyes before looking at the door and, placing his gloves back on, opened it, flinching back at the sight before him. Everything was destroyed, the walls and doors burnt black. He could hear people from outside of the building, shouts and screams and noticing the window was broken so that there was no longer glass along the ceiling to floor windows, Eddie turned towards it, remembering the sight of Buck doing the same, and with his heart hurting, he stepped towards the window before his eyes widened at the sight of Buck hanging from the window edge.

Without a second thought, Eddie found himself on his knees, grabbing Buck’s hands just as Buck almost slipped.

“Eddie,” Buck gasps, eyes widening when he looks up at him and Eddie lets out a breath, muscles straining as Buck looks around, and Eddie frowns, wondering what he’s thinking, head tilting as his eyes widen when he feels Buck’s hand muscles loosen, and he tightens his own in return.

“Don’t--” Eddie gasps, trying to bring Buck up, nearly failing as his strength fails him. He can see Bobby and the rest of the team doing something down below them, but he doesn’t focus on that too much, just tries to focus on Buck and bringing him back up to safety, especially since it seems like all of the flames have burned themselves out thanks to the rain that’s cascading in through the window.

“Buck, c’mon, man, don’t--” Eddie begins, shaking his head while trying to bring Buck up as best as he can.

“Eddie, let me go,” Buck says and Eddie -- Eddie nearly drops Buck in surprise, his eyes widening as his hold on Buck tightens while he shakes his head.

“Are you insane?” He can’t help but shout, once again straining his muscles to try and pull Buck up, getting frustrated when Buck shakes his head and struggles.

“Eddie, please. You have Christopher at home, and I have no one and nothing. Let me go,” Buck says and Eddie shakes his head, eyes watering once more as he realizes just how terrible he’s been, if his boyfriend thinks he’s alone and has no one or nothing. 

“You have us, Buck. I know I’ve been terrible, but you will  _ never _ not have us,” Eddie shouts through the noise of the storm, grasping onto Buck’s hand not wanting to lose Buck to the ground below. But Buck continues to move, trying to pry his hand out of Eddie’s, which Eddie can’t --- he can’t deal with that.

“Buck, stop!” Eddie pleads, looking at his boyfriend with wide eyes, and in that moment, Buck does, looking back at Eddie with his own wide eyes, and with surprising strength, Eddie pulls Buck up through the window before falling on top of him due to the momentum, his hands going to Buck’s face, checking him with worry. He knows, of course, that he’s crying, but he blows out a breath, tugging Buck upwards before wrapping his arms around Buck, holding onto him tightly as he continues sobbing into Buck’s neck, shaking his head as his emotions struggle to be maintained. 

After a few minutes of just holding Buck and taking him in, making sure he wasn’t badly injured, Eddie steps back from Buck so that he can see Buck completely, shaking his head, closing his eyes, and breathing deeply. He has no idea what to say, no idea how he could say what he  _ wants _ to say, so he continues breathing, looking at Buck with the widest eyes possible before nodding his head.

“We need to get out of here, get checked out. But the moment we’re by ourselves -- Buck, we --” Eddie breathes, taking another breath before surging forward and kissing Buck softly, hands running through Buck’s hair, wondering where Buck’s own helmet went.

“Eddie--” Buck whispers and Eddie closes his eyes once more, shakes his head, and kisses Buck again before leaning his forehead against Buck’s.

“You’re an idiot. You’re the biggest idiot, but I love you, so we’re going to talk when all of this is said and done because I clearly, need to tell you a lot of things,” Eddie says, before linking his hand with Buck’s and slowly, carefully, squeezing his hand before beginning to make their way out of the building, breathing in the fresh air when they finally get outside, grateful. 

Bobby and everyone else check them over when they finally get outside, and while Eddie just wants to take Buck somewhere and talk to him, he lets everyone check them over, especially Buck, since who knows what had happened while he had been locked in the room.

When Bobby finally gives them the clear, Eddie lets out a deep breath before nodding his head and grabbing Buck, taking him somewhere more private. He knows Bobby will chew him out about it later, but he has no problems with that, needing to talk to Buck now, before he gets into his head.

When there’s finally a private spot available to them, Eddie takes a deep breath, turning towards Buck and just hugging him briefly, needing to hold him.

“Eddie,” Buck whispers before his own arms wrap around Eddie’s shoulders.

* * *

Buck had been ready to drop to the ground, when he was hanging from that window. He was ready to drop, but the only thing stopping him had been Eddie, trapped in that room he locked him in. He was willing to try and get back into the building, at the very least, to see if Eddie was okay. 

But then Eddie had appeared and Buck -- Buck had been okay with dropping from that window, knowing he’d probably be very injured by doing so. Buck had been okay, because in his mind, there was nothing left, and -- dropping had been okay.

Except Eddie hadn’t wanted him to drop, had begged and pleaded with Buck not to drop, and then had tried his hardest to bring Buck up through the window before being successful. And it was the first time since the lawsuit that Buck had seen something in Eddie, something that said to Buck that Eddie wasn’t giving up, and that in of itself gave Buck a small amount of hope.

Which is why he followed Eddie when Eddie took his hand and took him somewhere private, which is why he hugged Eddie back, and why he felt so damn guilty when he could feel Eddie shaking while hugging him.

“Eddie,” he whispers, his heart breaking, arms tightening around Eddie as he tries to think of something to say. He remains silent though as Eddie pulls away, placing his hands on Buck’s face, looking over him, and something in Eddie’s eyes has Buck’s own widening and becoming wet.

“What were you thinking Buck,” Eddie whispers and Buck wants to answer, but he can hear Eddie mumbling to himself, walking away from Buck and beginning to pace, hands and fingers running through his hair, frustration obvious on Eddie’s face. Opening and closing his mouth a few times, Buck let out a soft breath, waiting as Eddie clearly tried to think of something to say.

“What the fuck were you thinking, Evan? Why would you think for one second I would ever want to let you go?” Eddie pants, his hands curled into fists while Buck stares at Eddie with wide eyes, not sure what Eddie even means. It takes him a few minutes for it to be understandable, and Buck has to close his mouth, rubbing his face tiredly. He had hoped that Eddie wouldn’t notice that, would pass by over that, but instead, it was the first thing he had focused on and Buck just wanted to hide.

“Because lately all it seems is that you want to let go. Of us!” Buck responds, trying not to sob while Eddie steps forward, hands curling into his suit and pulling him closer, ignoring the way the rain around them pounds steadily into them.

“I will never let go of us, Evan. Never. No matter how many petty arguments we get into. I love you, you idiota!” Eddie snaps, moving forward to kiss Buck. Buck, despite knowing that they’re still on the clock, places his hand on Eddie’s neck and pulls him forward, kissing Eddie back passionately, letting himself get lost in the moment before they pull away at the same time, panting.

“You kept ignoring me, and starting petty arguments, and --” Buck begins, resting his forehead on Eddie’s shoulder, breathing him in, starting to shiver because of the rain. 

“I was being a dumb ass. And I’m so damn sorry I made you feel like you didn’t have me, Buck. Because you  _ do _ . You’re always going to have me, no matter how many mistakes we make. I’m always going to love you, and be there for you.” Eddie whispers, running his fingers through Buck’s hair, while Buck hums and closes his eyes in contentment. 

“I want to take you home Buck, and show you how much you mean to me, you know,” Eddie whispers and Buck can’t help but chuckle, goosebumps forming on his arms, which wrap around Eddie’s waist immediately. 

“I’ve missed you,” Buck whispers and Eddie moves forward, kissing Buck once more. This kiss is slow and Buck - Buck can feel every emotion coming off Eddie through this kiss, and as he pushes himself into it, responding back in kind.

“I’m sorry,” Buck whispers to Eddie between kisses, smiling when Eddie shakes his head.

“You have nothing to be apologetic about, Buck. I have everything to be apologetic about, though, and I’m going to do  _ everything _ I can to make you realize that,” Eddie whispers and something courses through Buck as he hears Eddie’s words, closing his eyes briefly when he hears Bobby shout for them. 

When the two pull away, Buck can’t help but grin at Eddie, interlacing their fingers before walking towards the truck, feeling like everything is going to turn out alright.

* * *

Waiting for Eddie to open the door feels brutal, because all Buck wants to do is crowd the other man and make out with him on the couch like a couple of teenagers. When Eddie finally opens the door, Buck can’t help but crowd into the man, kissing his neck while Eddie lets out a small moan.

They were both able to talk during their shift, about everything - how Buck felt, being isolated from Eddie and Christopher, how Eddie just had so much anger left over in him, how fighting -- how fighting had been helping, but since he wasn’t fighting, he had nowhere to displace the anger. 

They talked, and they talked - they even missed family dinner so they could continue talking, though they did eat, and Buck felt -- Buck felt like they were finally getting somewhere with one another.

They had apologized so many times, and as Buck moved his lips from Eddie’s neck to Eddie’s mouth, he couldn’t help but grin into the kiss, Eddie’s hands pulling him forward by the hips as they fell onto the couch, a moan breaking free from Buck that had Eddie grinning in response, which only triggered Buck’s own response of thrusting forwards.

With Buck on top of Eddie, he feels like he can control what happens next, and another moan breaks from Buck’s throat, especially when Eddie manages to flip them so that he’s on top instead of Buck, something Buck has always found hot.

“Buck,” Eddie whispers, kissing, biting and sucking Buck’s neck while Buck lifts his hips upwards.

“I love you, you know that right?” Eddie whispers, moving Buck’s arms so they’re above his head, with Buck looking at Eddie with a small smile before nodding.

“And you know how sorry I am, right? For everything?” Eddie asks, and Buck frowns, nodding once more, wondering what’s going on in Eddie’s mind. Opening his mouth to ask, Buck snaps it closed when Eddie thrusts his hips downwards, eyes rolling back.

“I need to hear you tell me, Buck,” Eddie whispers.

“I love you. And I know how sorry you are, and I’ve forgiven you,” Buck whispers, fingers clenching as Eddie moves his hands to interlace their fingers.

“You did good, baby boy. Now I need to know, do you want something simple, or something  _ more _ ?” Eddie asks and Buck’s eyes flutter, when he realizes what Eddie is asking. Eyes widening just a fraction, Buck lets out a grin, surging forward and kissing the older man passionately before letting it slow down as he pulls away. Eddie -- Eddie is asking if Buck trusts him still, is asking if Buck accepts him still as his Dom and Buck --

Buck loves him so much. It’s not a new thought, and it’s not an infrequent thought, but with Eddie asking him if Buck is still okay with their relationship roles --

Buck realizes just how much he truly loves the man.

“I love you,” he whispers, flexing his wrists, which Eddie knows is a sign to release him, and when he does, Buck can’t stop his hands from running through Eddie’s hair, tugging lightly before meeting the man in the middle and kissing him for a few moments, a smile on his face.

“I trust you. I love you. Nothing about what we have has changed,” Buck whispers, pushing a strand of Eddie’s hair backwards before he grins at the man.

“You’re everything to me, Edmundo Diaz. And yes, I still absolutely trust you to be my Dom, especially after everything,” Buck responds, heart pounding when Eddie grins before he surges forward and kisses him. The two continue to make out, exactly like Buck wanted when they were entering the home, and get lost in one another, the hours flying by as they reacquaint with one another’s bodies on the couch, in the kitchen and then finally, in the bedroom, laughter breaking through the silence that reigns every moment it appears.

It isn’t until the morning light is shining through Eddie’s window, spotty in some areas due to the blinds that they finally take a break, panting and grinning at one another while Buck snuggles into Eddie, arms wrapping around his waist, exhaustion coursing through him.

When Eddie turns to look back at Buck, a small smile on his own face, Buck feels contentment coursing through him.

“Hi,” he whispers, cheeks red when Eddie leans down a little to kiss him.

“Hi,” Eddie replies back, a smile on his own face before he shifts, interlacing their legs together.

“I love you,” Buck whispers, smiling once more, feeling at ease for the first time in -- too long, Buck thinks, his smile never faltering as Eddie hums in contentment.

“I love you too,” Eddie confirms and Buck hums himself, kissing Eddie’s chest, just above his heart while Eddie’s hold on him tightens. He doesn’t know what’s going to happen next, but with Eddie holding him, Buck truly doesn’t care, feeling at peace, at home, and comfortable since the lawsuit happened.

And Buck knows, as long as Eddie is with him? He’ll be able to get through everything.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and constructive criticism is definitely welcomed. As always, story is not beta-edited.


End file.
